The 90-second Rule to Change the Way You See Emotions

Photo by Tengyart on Unsplash

What if I told you that when emotions are felt and expressed, they actually only last for 90 seconds? I remember feeling shocked when I first learned that emotions were supposed to last for such a short duration.

As brain scientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor mentions,

“When a person has a reaction to something in their environment, there’s a 90-second chemical process that happens; any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop.”

Emotions are simply energy in motion, and when they have a channel to be expressed, it’s cleared out of our system and we return to balance. Our bodies were designed to feel and move through emotions, but so much of our upbringing and culture has taught us not to ‘feel’ emotions otherwise.

We learn to shove down emotions as they might seem inappropriate or make us look weak or not enough. And over time, a lot of us become so estranged from our own emotions that we might find it hard to feel, or what is commonly known as ‘numbing out’. Over years of my own healing from chronic pain and anxiety, I have come to stand in the absolute truth that emotions live in our bodies.

It’s not more of ‘What do I need to do here?’, but rather asking ourselves ‘What am I feeling here?’. All spectrums of emotions are meant to be felt, and by acknowledging their presence and allowing space for them, the tension softens and emotions dissolve. If you’re struggling with naming your emotions, have a look at the feelings wheel below.”

“Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways. “ — Sigmund Freud

The more you deny or repress emotions, the more they stay and keep you stuck, and even physical illnesses might start to manifest. Essentially, they become toxic in your system when built up over time. The biggest gift you can give to yourself is to get in touch and express your feelings in words or through any other kind of expression such as art on a regular basis. It’s only through this constant act of tuning in and expressing your emotions that will pave the way for better wellbeing.

One of the underlying causes of our avoidance of getting in touch with our emotions is that we often feel ashamed and judge ourselves when feeling a certain way. I’ve often discussed the limits of mindset work and the problem with forcing positive affirmations on ourselves — with all the ways we ‘should’ be feeling already, without allowing what is here to be here.

“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” — Brene Brown

Shame keeps us stuck. Shame keeps us from our true feelings. Shame keeps us from the good and lessons that are waiting to be revealed to us. A simple way to break this cycle is to share your thoughts regularly with someone you trust. I know this might not be accessible and even seem challenging at times, so journaling can be a great tool to help you express at any moment you need to.

Here are my 3 simple steps to help you navigate difficult emotions:

1. Take a deep breath and feel the center of your body, especially the belly area, while keeping a sense of the space around you.

2. Place your attention gently on your breath and start saying to yourself ‘I allow…’ Notice what comes up and name the feeling- fear, anxiety etc.

3. Turn it into a journaling prompt and start free-writing based on the prompt e.g. ‘I’m anxious because…’ or ‘I fear…’

You’ll find that as you get further down in listing the reasons for feeling anxious or any other emotions, the overwhelm starts to dissolve bit by bit. This is the practice of facing our emotions and allowing them to guide us for what needs to be shifted. I found it enlightening to discover that I’m often anxious about my anxiety itself, and it doubles down the whole experience by spiralling into this judgement zone.

“We avoid thinking about how we feel, while at the same time, we can’t stop thinking about how we feel.” ― Dr. Deb Sandella

By moving out of our heads and into our bodies. and allowing emotions to arise and be expressed, we cut through the unhelpful patterns that keep us stuck in our minds. Instead of thinking or judging how we feel, we simply feel the depth of our emotions through mindfulness, our breath, and our bodies.

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Here’s my gift for you to help you feel more at ease with your emotions. Follow along with a simple breathing meditation and journaling prompts.